Sometimes when you look into your heart, you don't like what you see. Broken Smile delivers a dynamic first submission. Spartanburg, SC is in the house IREP readers, take a peek and enjoy!
I hate her so much,
Yet I wanted her.
I decided to keep her.
I’m so tired
I don’t want to deal
With her at all.
I just want to leave.
And leave without her.
I need to get rid of her.
But I don’t know how.
The way my life is,
Its because of her.
I think all the time,
if I didn’t have her,
Things would be so much better.
She gives me nothing
nothing at all.
Just pain
Pain from her around,
and pain from me
Thinking this shit.
How can someone give life,
To someone so beautiful and great,
Hate her with such rage and remorse?
No one will ever understand this.
You will just look at me and say
"How can she not love her child?"
And I will look at you and say
How can I not? Look at my life!
I’m alone.
People don’t even want to be around her.
She fuckin' can’t sit still.
She won’t shut the fuck up.
She just fuckin’ cant comprehend shit.
I see other people’s kids,
And I want them.
Where did I go wrong?
Why is she just that kid I don’t want?
I work to put a roof over her head.
Yet I’m struggling to keep it there.
I’m not happy.
And she makes it worse.
I make me sad.
And she makes me angry.
I want to leave.
I have to leave.
But I don’t now how to walk out on her.
I do love her but if I stay with her,
I’ll only fuck up her life.
I’m not ok.
I want to run.
But I’m frozen here.
I’m so cold cause there is no love here.
And I don’t know how to find it.
Maybe I just don’t want to.
Maybe I like being so helpless.
But why?
I am tired of asking for help.
But I know I need it.
I’m just tired of life it self.
I want to die.
But I don’t know how to cut any more.
I want to fade away.
But I want to go quickly.
God I hate her
Yet without her, I die
She brings me down to the point I cant stand.
Even if I had the chance to leave,
Where would I go?
I have no one.
Nor a good place to call home.
I just want to go.
But I cant move.
It hurts too much.
My feet hurt.
I want to progress in life.
But with her,
I will never become anybody.
Just the lady that hates her kid.
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